It is springtime here. We have made it through yet another winter.
Spring came slowly and gently, like awakening from a long slumber. One day, it was too warm to wear my winter coat on my ride home, so I left it in the back seat of my car. It remained there for a week, before being returned to the closet.
I started wearing my jeans less, my sundresses more.
We began to ride our bicycles more often.
As we walk through the courtyard, we’re greeted by the hum of air conditioners.
The gray skies have cleared, allowing sunshine to fill the world.
As the skies have cleared outside, so have they within my soul.
Relaxing and glimpsing the lovely world of reality–the reality that exists beyond my previous situation–I’ve found the path I’d lost, with my students. I am able to connect with them, just as I had in the beginning of my career, before so many things led me to lose my way. I am able to love, and to understand, more deeply than I ever realized was possible.
I search for meaning less, realizing that my search for meaning was nothing more than a search for safety, validation, and approval. The most beautiful things in life don’t have a meaning that can be put into words.
It is a time of understanding, and accepting. It’s accepting the hills and valleys, and realizing that experiencing a valley is not the same as backsliding.
It is a time of living life, rather than experiencing it from a computer screen. It is a movement toward the physical, the concrete. And it is a movement that is just happening, rather than being forced.
Yesterday, when I was walking from my car, with my arms full of school supplies for my students, I realized I was smiling. Smiling, spontaneously, with nobody around to see. And that’s when peace took my hand, like an old friend I hadn’t seen in years.