Lately, I’ve been feeling like my head is spinning.
In realizing what I’ve realized about selfishness, and looking for assurance and approval from the wrong places, I’ve been rethinking the time that I spend online.
What am I doing here?
I’ve developed a tight-knit group of friends, in the other bloggers I have been corresponding with. And yet, I’ve noticed that I have been relying on many of these friends to provide me with a sense of worth. I’ve spent far more time involved with the online blogging community, because it is a place where I feel safe and accepted.
Safety and acceptance were not going to happen, in my old situation. I needed the escape, and I desperately needed the support. I needed help getting on the right path.
But now, clinging to the old ways is preventing me from jumping out there and embracing my new reality. I spend time online, rather than interacting with the people around me. The online community has become my primary reality.
When I am experiencing life in the “real world,” I am thinking about how I will write about it, whom I will e-mail about it, and whether it will make a nice blog post. I am experiencing everything with a reality show-style narrative running through my head.
Being online is not even a “guilty pleasure.” It’s a crutch and an escape that I have outgrown. In the way that I used to use it, it no longer serves me well.
So why AM I here?
I tell myself that I am here to establish writing as an income source, so that I will have that when we leave port. In order to do that, I have been working very hard, spending many hours, trying to increase my readership here. I have become involved in social networking once again, and most of my evenings are spent in front of the computer.
I have found, that this new goal has made writing less rewarding for me. I am not enjoying the blogging community, in the way that I used to. I’ve found that it has become very high-pressure, and my mind is feeling cluttered. I find that I visit many blogs, but there are so many, that I don’t have time to actually read them all. I skim through the posts, so that I can leave my all-important comment (and linK!!!).
But I do it, because I want to be successful self-publishing. I need to get readership up, so that more people will actually buy my book.
In other words, I was in the process of selling out.
It’s time to refocus on my purpose, and my ideals. I am writing the book to share, and we’ll see if anyone finds it. I do not want to waste any more of my life, in front of the computer screen. If I am spending time here, I will be doing things that matter.
I will become even more of an e-mail slacker, touching base with my friends once a week, unless there is something more pressing. I will visit only the blogs I love, once a week. And I will post once a week, because I don’t think that you should visit a blog more often than that.
My page rank and Alexa score will go down. I will not be linked to from any of the larger blogs.
I will hide my stats, because I am not here for stats. I will quit all social networking sites (again).
I am here to learn from and share ideas with all of you. And I will continue to do that. I’m just getting rid of all the clutter.
Because, folks, there is a real world out there. It’s time to stop saying that we should spend less time online. It’s time to do it.
Look at the community we’ve created here. Look at all the great things you’ve done on your blogs. What if we brought that kind of love, that kind of unconditional support, and that kind of creativity out into our communities?