It’s time that I levelled with you again.
I’m a hypocrite.
Fortunately, we all are, but I still thought I would confess my most recent hypocrisy to you tonight.
So, it may or may not surprise you to know that I’ve taken the opposite of my advice on all three counts.
Two days ago, I was sitting in my classroom, realizing that I was holding back, shying away from things I knew I could be doing. I was acting tentatively, not wanting to get settled in or comfortable, because I was waiting for everything to fall apart.
I was drawing parallels to the situation I left, and finding meaning where there likely is none. What if things happen the same way this winter? What if it all falls apart? What if history repeats itself?
What if? What if?
All over again.
Sometimes I need to take my own advice. And sometimes I’m glad that my friends are kind enough not to throw my own words back into my face.
It’s one thing to know something intellectually, but it’s a whole other thing to live it, all the time. Fear is sneaky. That hesitancy, those “what if’s” have a way of sneaking in, after they’ve been friends (or at least familiar) for so long.
My first instinct is panic–here is fear, with a capital F! I worry that I’ve let it slip in, then become angry at myself. I thought I was beyond this!
But then, maybe fear is just a normal part of the human condition, regardless of how perfect we aspire to be. Maybe it is something that will keep coming back, keep sneaking in. If that is the case, then maybe the solution is not to overthink and become critical of ourselves, but to feel the fear…and move forward anyway.
And that is exactly what I’m doing. I don’t regret giving life my best, before it all went downhill last winter. Bad things can happen. This winter could very well be as bad as last winter. But will it be any easier, if I shy away and hide in the shadows? No matter what happens, I will still feel better if I know that I gave it my all.
So, let’s all give it everything tonight. Life is too short to spend locked inside, letting fear get the best of us.
Please check out my guest post on Pick The Brain, How to Overcome Fear and Live Your Dreams.