The Day my Brain was Hijacked

Everything was going great. Better than great. Sure, there had been some adjustments, to my new life down here, but I was learning to believe in happily ever after.

 Things started to change, slowly at first. My mind kept drifting to the past, and I realized that this was happening anytime something in the present was making me unhappy or uncomfortable. It wasn’t even big things—just basic needs that I was so used to ignoring. One night, I was drifting because I had a sliver in my foot. Being in survival mode for so long, I had learned to ignore such needs, and plow through, so that my self-awareness was extremely low.

 I started paying better attention, and realized that I often drifted off when I was tired, hungry, or thirsty. With this new awareness, I realized that I was quite exhausted, physically and mentally, nearly all the time. I tried working breaks into my day, but they weren’t cutting it.

 Then, I started to notice that I was becoming fearful about going to work. I was beginning to make connections to things that had happened in my old job, and this led me to feel threatened. I have a series of questions I ask my self, when I am faced with a potential misperception, so I asked them and proved that my fears were unfounded.

 Then, one evening, I found myself jumping to conclusions in the worst way, in a conversation with Rob. Everything he said, would somehow lead to us losing everything and our marriage being ruined. In the morning, I found myself caught in a terrible, negative spiral that I couldn’t pull out of. When I questioned my fears, my mind proved them to be true. I could take deep breaths, calm myself, and stabilize, but that was the extent of what I could do.

 It was then that I started looking around, to see what may have triggered this. I noted that I wasn’t feeling the best—my sinuses were bothering me, and I thought I may have allergies. The next day, I woke up, terrified, and certain that I was in the midst of a nervous breakdown. I also noticed that I felt 100% miserable, physically. I barely had any voice, I would have a coughing fit if I wasn’t constantly sipping something warm, and I was beginning to get muscle aches.

 I trudged through my workday, and a friend suggested that my mental freakout might just be due to being sick. I considered this, and realized that my fears started at the same time I started feeling tired. So I stopped questioning and dissecting my negative thoughts and fears, and focused on getting through the day.

During fourth period, I noticed that the floor was moving, in a way that resembled Moonraker at anchor. My teaching partner led the lesson, while I stood, wide-eyed and watched the room slant, and felt the floor rocking in the waves.

 It was at this time, that my partner suggested that I might be better off spending the rest of the day at home, in bed.

 So I spent the next three days in a Benedryl-induced coma, using my few semi-lucid moments to write comments on my friends’ blogs. Happily, I no longer possessed the capacity for worrying, thanks to that fruit-flavored pink liquid. It was a rather blissful time.

 Then, unexpectedly, Saturday afternoon, I woke up feeling like a human being again. I no longer felt exhausted, and my brain was all done playing tricks on me. Some residual laryngitis was all that lingered, from my bout with the bubonic plague.

My brain was freaking out, because I was sick. But, did I get sick because I needed to rest? I think it’s very possible, since I tend to plow ahead and ignore the signs from my body, that I need to slow down. I do know that I plan to pay better attention to my body, and my basic needs, so that hopefully, in the future, I can recognize the need to slow down and rest, before I have to be forced to do so.

Sick emoticon -

23 thoughts on “The Day my Brain was Hijacked

  1. I’m glad you are feeling better in every way. Learning to pay attention to the signals of our body is a tough one for those of us that plow through. I can tell you from experience, you don’t want to be as deaf as I was almost 4 years ago. Well said and good reminder.

      • Just adding a thought here. I did a bit of earthing yesterday with my daughter at the park. The kids looked at us like we were crazy walking though the wet grass barefoot this time of year. I feel so much better today. Think I’ll do it again…and again.

        • WP put you in the Spam folder this time. 😦 For shame! “Earthing”…I like that. It has to be seriously cold, before I’ll put on shoes when I don’t have to. It may never happen here. 😉

  2. So glad you’re feeling better, Bethany. Brains are crazy things. I love it when I can find a “real” reason for something. Even when I can’t, I have to tell myself that I am not thinking correctly. Sometimes that is much easier than others. So glad your teaching partner is so understanding.

  3. I”m glad you are feeling better, in every way. About Marlene’s comment, I recently watched a documentary on Earthing where an entire community healed from all sorts of ailments including partial paralysis. The documentary is called Grounded..

  4. I usually get this extreme forboding depression before I throw up. It’s always an ” oh, that’s what it was” moment after. Funny how it’s hard to make the connection beforehand. I am glad you powered through and are feeling better.
    To health!

    • It is weird that we never seem to realize it beforehand. I think I am definitely going to look at how I’m feeling physically, whenever my brain is doing weird things, from now on. It’s tough, because the thoughts seem so “real.”

  5. Great analysis of the body-mind connection!! And a very good reminder to me to take care of myself when I need to. Handy acronym: HALT- Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired? HALT and take care of yourself. I don’t always remember, but you have helped to bring it back to my attention- thank you.

    Love, Joy

  6. i am learning the same lesson right now and thank you for reminding me to take care of me and listen to my body hope you are well

  7. Glad to read that you are back to normal 🙂 Sometimes we need to take care of yourselves like we are sick, even when we are not. Plenty of sleep, water and some serious downtime can hopefully keep us from the Benedryl.

    Take care and all the best. Stay well.


  8. Glad you’re on the improve. I know I’m susceptible to be a ratty cow if I’m tired, or sore, or both. Sick will definitely amplify those feelings.

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