Letting Go and Staying Focused

I haven’t said much about it,but this week has been an emotional roller coaster.

First, we decided to re-examine our plans.  You remember what I said about plans, right?  We had planned to drive the motor home down, and live in an RV park until we found a boat.  However, the RV parks we saw were less than desirable–not a place we want the Bean to be running around.

So, our next plan was to live in the motor home until we found an apartment, then save up for the boat.  We would have to drive separately, on our way down.

It was a problem of focus.

What is our goal?  Is it to avoid living in a permanent place?  Are we just trying to earn “minimalist points,” or are we actually working toward something?  What dream is it, that we are trying to fulfil?

It is the dream of living on a boat.  The motor home is extra.

So we’re leaving it in Michigan.  We decided to get an apartment set up and ready, before we left.  And that’s where the stress begins.

You know how I am, about money stress.  And now we’re applying for an apartment, with less-than-stellar credit.  It was looking good, until I got a call from the manager today, saying that our mortgage company had us listed as in default, and owing them the amount we owe on the house.  I needed to get something in writing, that we are doing deed-in-lieu, and will not owe them anything when we are finished.

That led to 2 hours on hold, and being transferred to nearly every employee of the call center.  Finally, I got a lady in the Short Sale department, who told me that the Deed-in-Lieu department was closed for the evening.  So, tomorrow morning, it continues.

It’s hard to let go, when things are out of my hands.  The old, panicked me, that used to always have the helm, is telling me that we will be homeless, that it will destroy my marriage, break up my family, etc.

This is not reality.

We could end up in an RV park with a pool but not too many trees, before living in a marina.  Beanie could end up switching school districts, mid-year.  That’s the unlikely, worst-case scenario.  That’s all.

When the what-if’s were getting out of control, one time, a friend of mine said, “Well, what if everything goes well?”  That’s something I’ve been telling myself a lot.

More likely, by this time next month, we’ll be sitting by the pool (with Beanie swimming, with the other kids) in our gated apartment community, dreaming and saving up for our boat.

Because negativity is not realism.

Couple Relaxing In Pool Royalty Free Stock Photo - 28429525

I will be up north, on Thunder Bay, this weekend.  We have some family things to drop off there.  I will not have Internet, so I will not write any posts, until Sunday night.  I will have my phone, so I will update on the apartment, *if* it is good news!  We should know by Saturday.

6 thoughts on “Letting Go and Staying Focused

  1. Hi Bethany….do you remember what Mrs. Pettermint suggested to Grace? She suggested that Grace practice “pro-noia”. The opposite of paranoia—pro-noia is the completely outlandish, radiantly optimistic, unreasonably positive, unregulated wonder that the Universe is out to shower you with GOOD. 🙂 It COULD be happening right now!

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