What Lies Beyond?

I think a lot of us have certain worries, and patterns of worrying, that seem to define our existence. 

For me it was money.

It began with debt, and cycles of getting in and out of debt.  I broke that cycle, but there was still that constant anxiety.  We were living paycheck to paycheck, and I did not budget, because the numbers scared me.  The mortgage added stress to it, and I knew we would be in serious trouble if I lost my job.  Even in the happy times, the financial stress was in the background.  I sought escape, usually by purchasing more things, and that only compounded the problem.  I got nervous when Rob called me at work, because it was often because a collector for some forgotten bill had called him at home.

I remember, at a previous job, shortly after I got married, my boss showed me a little blurb, called “My Resignation from Adulthood.”  It really made me feel wistful and sad, because I wanted to turn in my checkbook, credit card bills, and car keys.  I felt like to be an adult meant to have these financial responsibilities and worries.  And that there was no going back to the life before, when I was free from these worries.  Getting the mortgage was another thing we did, because that’s what adults do.

Two days ago, I realized that these money worries were causing me tremendous anxiety, that got worse as the day went on.  I was worried that we wouldn’t be able to do deed in lieu.  I was worried that we wouldn’t be able to get an apartment.  (We have decided not to take the motor home down to Texas, because the RV parks are less than desirable, and the motor home is just a distraction from our real goal–living on a boat.  We are looking at renting a small apartment, short term, while we save up for the boat).  The financial aspects of this move, have kept me living in fear and worry.

So I looked it in the eye.  The bank has no problem letting us do deed in lieu (which is a relief, because deed in lieu is not very common in Michigan, because foreclosure is a relatively short process here), and they are going to expedite the process, since we are moving soon.  I found an apartment complex that said our credit issues will likely not be a problem, and we’ll have an answer for sure, by Friday.  It looks like a nice community, and we’re going to be living it up in a 600-square-foot unit, since it was actually cheaper than the 500-square-foot apartment.

My goal is to keep our expenses minimal, and to limit the purchasing and accumulating of distractions.  I want to create a budget that becomes a habit, so that money is the last thing on my mind.  Our rent will be between 1/4 and 1/5 of my income, and after we find a boat and get a marina slip, it will go down to between 1/9 and 1/10.  That will significantly lower the pressure in that realm.

So, my question is, what is going to be there, when this worry is gone?  I know that I am not my fears, but this worry has defined my entire adult life.  What can be done, with this energy no longer being wasted?

Only time will tell.  Stay tuned.

worried piggy bank looking at crash of its shares onto a...


7 thoughts on “What Lies Beyond?

  1. I’m glad things are working themselves out for you in ways that open up unexpected opportunities. Once the worry over the house is gone you’ll be amazed at the energy you’ll have 🙂 And you already put out an amazing amount of blog posts so you’ll be AWESOME once that happens 🙂 Plus, because I so admire you and your work I want to nominate you for the “I am part of the WordPress Family Award”…. Here’s a link to the award… http://smartliving365.com/yay-ive-been-nominated-for-the-i-am-part-of-the-wordpress-family-award/ I consider you part of my blogging family and look forward to hearing how your life and experiences unfold…

    • Thank you, Kathy. Knowing you has been a privilege, as well. 🙂

      It’s interesting, because I actually post more during stressful times. Writing is very therapeutic for me. But we’ll have to see what happens in life, without constant fear and worry.

  2. It’s interesting , the deed in lieu. I just looked it up as I didn’t know quite what it is. We are very under water on our little house. Our mortgage is 25% of my husbands income. But, we’ve been here almost 20 years.
    I think you’re really brave doing this and moving on.
    It does have me thinking:)

    • Welcome aboard, Tahoe Girl! You know, sometimes it’s worth it, to cut your losses in order to reduce stress. Getting rid of a house is a major decision, though, and you need to consider whether you want to relocate, and look at the prices of rentals wherever you want to live. But do brainstorm ideas for relieving the pressure, moneywise. It is so worth it!

  3. I think when you are comfortable enough to let the fear go you will find plenty of things to take its place. You will find the freedom to pursue other interests you never imagined. Congrats on getting the answers you were hoping from the mortgage company.

  4. We did a deed in lieu many many years ago and actually it was a very simple process but again this was years ago. I think a lot of people fall into the trap of wanting everything and thinking that the perfect life is a house, two cars, toys, etc. We have a great big house (just the two of us) on a great big piece of property and it takes a lot of work to pay for it and maintain it. My hubby and I are splitting up so he is keeping this mess and I am going to move into either a condo complex or possibly by an RV, I haven’t decided yet. I tired also of working, working and working again and not being able to travel or enjoy life. So that’s it. It took me a lot longer to come to this realization that it did you. I wish I had many years ago. You and your family will have a great time on your new adventure!!

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