I have realized, recently, that I have been wasting a lot of my time and energy.
In my every interaction, I have been gauging the other person’s possible perceptions of me, how I “come across,” and adjusting my actions, my “persona” accordingly. If I was troubled, I worried that I was annoying or burdening the other person, which only increased the stress that I faced, needlessly. In happier times, I was afraid that I sounded too cheesy, too cynical, that my views were wrong for the situation, and so on.
We spend so much time and energy creating masks to wear. And it’s all for naught.
We should be kind. We should do our best not to hurt anyone, and apologize and try to make amends if we do. But why is it so important that we are liked? We fear isolation, but that is not a likely reality. Think about it. People like other people, by default. I know, personally, someone has to cause a lot of hurt, and not try to make amends, for me not to like them. The odds are, we are not being judged as much as we perceive. Those who will judge, are dealing with their own insecurities. Our changing ourselves, or creating false masks to wear, will not help these people.
Pretending doesn’t help anyone.
It’s occurred to me today, how much energy I have, with the focus taken off of making people like me. Now I have the energy to continue with this crazy decluttering effort in my house. Now I have the energy to work with my daughter on her therapy. Now I have the energy to listen to others, to hear their stories, and to give my full attention. I have the energy to look for ways in which I can contribute.
People will like you. So please forget about that. And turn the focus to something that really does matter.