Hypocracy and Inadequacy, Revisited

“Wounding and healing are not opposites. They’re part of the same thing. It is our wounds that enable us to be compassionate with the wounds of others. It is our limitations that make us kind to the limitations of other people. It is our loneliness that helps us to to find other people or to even know they’re alone with an illness. I think I have served people perfectly with parts of myself I used to be ashamed of. ”

Rachel Naomi Remen

Within the past month–and especially within the past couple of weeks, I have made the intentional decision to become more honest with all of you.  And I have to say that your response has simultaneously excited, terrified, and surprised me.

  • You appreciate my honesty.
  • You are on my side.
  • You have endured–or are enduring–similar struggles.
  • You think highly of me, and say so.

And, I must confess, it is that last one that terrifies me.  It would be different, if I had conquered fear, if I were always strong, if things from my past were just…my past.  I am terrified that you think that I am always strong, that I am never afraid.

Because nothing could be further from the truth.

Don’t put me on a pedestal.  There are nights when I still can’t sleep, because I am overcome with fear and anxiety.  Staying positive and hopeful is still something I must consciously practice daily, and it’s still two steps forward, and one step back.

I’ve often felt like a fraud, for not being perfect.

I could rattle off yet another list of confessions for you: I don’t keep up with my daughter’s home program, I procrastinate, I get so caught up in my own worries that I don’t notice what is going on with others, I still misinterpret reality….but I think you get it. 

I’ve explained to you, already, my purpose in writing this blog.  Yet I have something to add to it.  My new, added purpose is twofold.  First, I want to see, once and for all, if I am the only one who struggles as I sometimes do.  Second, I want all of you to see that YOU are not alone in your struggles.

Because, even as we improve and grow, we will struggle.  We will struggle on and off our entire lives.  We’ll never reach perfection.

But that is no reason for holding back.  We can still contribute to the world.  We still have something to bring to the table.

Imperfection is beautiful.  And it’s through our imperfections that we are able to come to a place of understanding.

flower

13 thoughts on “Hypocracy and Inadequacy, Revisited

  1. Perfection is death, a prison, both. It is the very antithesis of creating and risk. Glad you are letting it fly, Bethany!

  2. Bethany….have you had a chance to look into the work of Brene Brown yet? (http://smartliving365.com/?p=2119) She so speaks to the idea that the most brave thing any of us can do is be vulnerable and open. I think when people tell you they “think highly of you” they are congratulating you on your ability to do that–not that you are perfect or always making the right choices or actions. We are all in this together and every one of us does the best we can with the consciousness that we have at the time–nothing more, and nothing less. Keep on with you story and those that are also walking with you will continue to do so…~Kathy

    • I just finished reading her book Gifts of Imperfection. http://amzn.to/19wEo1Z Great book but what’s funny is that in the 3 months it took to come in (it had lots of holds at the library), I started doing many of her suggestions on my own. I guess we’re on the same wavelength.

  3. If you always conquered your fear, were always strong, and left the past behind you, we probably wouldn’t be reading this blog. We are here because you keep going, despite all of the above, and you are willing to share and be open with what you are thinking and going through. Basically, the first three points you made about us. 🙂

    You’ve titled this “Journey” for a reason.

  4. Think how daunted all your readers would be if you came across as perfect. The reason we love reading about your journey is you seem like a real person, and we can empathize with your struggles.

    • When I first started, back over at blog.com, I tried to sound perfect. Then, I confessed to taking Beanie to the Burger King playplace. One of my friends said, “Wow, now we know you’re human!” Yup…

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